Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
