I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
