Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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