I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish you could order shots online.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
