Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
