dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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