Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
