I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
