you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
