i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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