I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
