hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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