im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
