You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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