I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
