Already got asked if we're dating
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
