mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
