i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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