a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
