barbara walters just said penis...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
