i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
