When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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