I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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