Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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