HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
