I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
