I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
