she was so not down for the gang bang
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
