Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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