how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sext me about skeletons
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
