hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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