my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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