I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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