You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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