can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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