I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
