I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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