you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
