Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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