Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
