I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
