im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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