A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
