Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
