so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's paper in my vomit.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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