I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
