if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
