no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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