For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i came on her dog
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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