he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
