this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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