Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
