It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
