she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
