ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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