she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
