I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
