Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
