we're blogging at a bar
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
