Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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