Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
