i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever