After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart