i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.