So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.