last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
