Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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