just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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