She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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