He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
