I accidentally burped into my bong.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
