She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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