Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
