Pappa wants mamma naked
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
