At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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