she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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