Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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