Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
