Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
