I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
