You can't motorboat a personality
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
