oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
