they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
