That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
