Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
