I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
