he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
