I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
