im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
