I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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