in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How many fucks given?
0.12846
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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