If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
