Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
